Jobs Report

I hadn't submitted any entries to the online Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten Contest in several months until doing so this week — and coming up with a winner.

As usual, I threw in a couple of options that weren't stellar along with my personal favorite(s), because you never know what will ring the bell of whomever makes the selections. 

Here are my...

Top Five Surprises in the Steve Jobs Biography

5. He slipped Bill Gates' barber a fifty every month for 30 years.

4. But for the flip of a coin, he'd have been wearing black pants and a denim turtleneck every day.

3. His kids had to show him how to program the VCR.

2. Ironically, he got the idea for the Apple when a book about Isaac Newton hit him on the head. (Think about it, people!)

And the Number One Surprise in the Steve Jobs Biography...

1. He was actually more of a papaya guy.

The contest isn't for submissions to the actual show, remember; there are staff writers for that. You can check out the past week's winners and the current week's topic, as well as submit your own entries, at the Late Show website via the link above, which together with the weekly Late Show newsletter is the only place the winning entries get seen. Once upon a time there was a prize for having one of the ten entries chosen, but now you're not even notified by E-mail; you have to subscribe to the newsletter or check the website yourself.

I liked my Number Five the best, which is the one that got selected, although I do have a soft spot for the slightly tortuous Number Two. Numbers One and Three were mostly submitted because they seemed closest to the kind of humor that's usually selected for the winning list. Number Four ain't so hot, but I wanted a list of five and it's the best I could do at the time.


ashlie said...

Number 5 and 2 made me laugh out loud! Not LOL, actually laugh out loud!

El Qué said...

I like 2 too. (Does that make me a ballerina?)

Arben said...

But shouldn't that be a book about gravity? I mean, Newton wasn't hit on the head by Steve Jobs.

Joan Crawford said...

Ha! Congratulations, a well-deserved win for Sir Blamington the Witty-Brain.

I happen to like number 4 the best :)

Blam said...

Arben: But shouldn't that be a book about gravity? I mean, Newton wasn't hit on the head by Steve Jobs.

Yeah, I thought about that. The problem is that then the analogy/joke starts to break down because it's the actual falling of the apple and not the apple itself that legendarily gave Newton the idea about gravity, so having a book about gravity hit Jobs on the head becomes redundant: Jobs=Newton, book=apple, Apple=gravity, yet the falling of an object needs to remain constant in both images to suggest the whole situation.

It's like the old cartoon of the newsboy on crutches yelling "Shazam!" — back when enough of the general public was actually familiar enough with Captain Marvel to know that Freddy Freeman was Captain Marvel Jr. but not enough to know (or at least care) that Freddy's own magic phrase was actually "Captain Marvel!".

So, y'know, I suggest that you stuff a denim turtleneck up your nose.

Blam said...

Thanks, Ashlie!
Cool, LK! (Yes it does.)
Of course you did, Joanie...

Teebore said...

I also liked #4 (and #2). Great minds Joan, great minds!