Saturday Night's All Right for Typing (Again)




The last time Saturday Night Live ran a Fox & Friends sketch I transcribed the litany of "corrections" that scrolled across the screen and ended up with what was for about a day a very popular post. We've become used to being able to find almost anything we want on the Internet, quickly, so to do my part I've just repeated last April's effort.

As before, I've left all typographical conventions intact, from the line breaks to the occasional omission of a necessary clause-ending comma to the lack of italics around TV-series titles to the failure to properly hyphenate "Spider-Man" — except that I couldn't help but put in periods on the last few items, which as aired were missing, for consistency's sake. (To an inveterate copy-editor like me such restraint doesn't come easily, I assure you.) I had to go through the whole thing a few times from the start, since the DVR I'm using is actually less responsive than the VCR used last time around, but I'm pretty sure I got everything.

You're welcome.

The second president of the United
States was John Quincy Adams, not
Sam Adams Summer Ale.

A movie and a motion picture are
the same thing.

Juice is a drinkable substance.

There are seven continents, not one
thousand.

The "West Memphis Three" is not
a jazz quartet.

America is not currently under
a "Level 9 Liberty Alert."
There is no such thing as a
"Level 9 Liberty Alert."

Presidential dog "Bo" Obama does
not collect Social Security checks,
nor is he an undocumented Peruvian
housekeeper in disguise.

Julie Andrews is an award winning
British actress. She has never been
on trial for kidnapping.

Windows are typically made of glass.

President Obama did not pardon
Carmen San Diego.

Flu shots prevent influenza and have
nothing to do with getting into
heaven.

Nancy Pelosi did not appear on an
episode of River Monsters.

There is not now, nor has there ever
been a plan to air-condition the
Grand Canyon.

Herman Cain did not invent pizza.

Christopher Columbus sailed to
what is now the modern day United
States in an effort to find a trade
route to the West Indies. Not to flee
the dragons.

No Transformers have ever been
found on the moon.

Flo from the Progressive Insurance
ads is a living human being, not the
ghost of a Civil War widow.

Africa is widely regarded to be the
origin of the human species. It was
not "discovered only a handful of
years ago."

The Jewish Holiday just celebrated
was Rosh Hashanah not Rush Hot
Bananas.

Nicholas Cage did not sign the
Declaration of Independence.

There is no known connection
between the Oklahoma City
bombing and the Bay City Rollers.

Electric cars are not powered by
electric eagles.

Carrying a child in a Baby Bjorn does
not cause homosexuality, in the child
or the adult.

The Washington Monument was not
named after Denzel Washington.
Nor was it named after the
Washington Redskins.

The Pope does not hold a world
record in speed skating.

Abraham Lincoln is not alive and
living in Amish, Pennsylvania. There
is no such place as Amish,
Pennsylvania.

Mount Rushmore does not include
the face of Spiderman.

There are indeed several laws that
prohibit pointing a gun at a mail carrier.

Pocahontas was not named after a
stripper.

Vermont still exists.

There is currently no bill before the
house that would mandate the
eating of flan on Thanksgiving.

Mary Magdalene was not eaten by a
dinosaur.

General Tso did not win the Civil War
for the Confederacy.

Rick Perry was not a contestant on
The Amazing Race nor was he the
winner of the Real World / Road Rules
Challenge.

"Time in a Bottle" was never the
national anthem.

Whole Foods does not provide free
abortions.

The centered text above is copyright 2011 NBC Studios and reproduced as a public service. 

3 comments:

Teebore said...

Thanks Blam! This will come in handy for my TV post next week.

Amongst my favorites:

President Obama did not pardon
Carmen San Diego.

Christopher Columbus sailed to
what is now the modern day United
States in an effort to find a trade
route to the West Indies. Not to flee
the dragons.

Flo from the Progressive Insurance
ads is a living human being, not the
ghost of a Civil War widow.

Nicholas Cage did not sign the
Declaration of Independence.

Blam said...


Christopher Columbus sailed to what is now the modern day United States in an effort to find a trade route to the West Indies. Not to flee the dragons.

What's funny about that — and I'm not sure what kind of funny — is that Columbus didn't actually reach "what is now the modern day United States" but rather what is now the Bahamas, other Caribbean islands, and eventually the Central/South American mainland. I don't think that on any of his voyages he actually got to today's USA except perhaps what have become protectorates or something.

Also, I kind-of like the dragons idea.

Blam said...


President Obama did not pardon Carmen San Diego.

I'm really tickled by this one, especially because given how it's written it begs the question "So is she still a felon, then?"

My other favorites:

The "West Memphis Three" is not a jazz quartet.

Carrying a child in a Baby Bjorn does not cause homosexuality, in the child or the adult.

"Time in a Bottle" was never the national anthem.


I'm pretty sure that Jim Croce was poet laureate.