Oh, I Sleigh Me
Last week's Top Ten Contest at the Late Show with David Letterman website was even more inspiring than usual. You either know the drill by now or you can check out the first post in this category, so without further ado here are...
My Top Ten Little-Known Facts about Santa Claus
10. Born Seymour Klausmann, Brooklyn, 1926
9. Will get you on the "nice" list for twenty bucks and/or a bottle of Jim Beam
8. Goes down more than just the chimney, ladies
7. Eleven months out of the year, crash diets and works as Dumbledore at the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando
6. Holly Jolly Christmas: To you, it's the name of a Burl Ives classic; to Santa, it's the name of the gal who takes care of him in the VIP suite at North Pole Dancers
5. Doesn't want to live in a world without Oprah
4. Belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly because, well, it pretty much is
3. Sired children on six continents (They don't call him Father Christmas for nothing!)
2. Had the original Blitzen for dinner with some fava beans and a nice Chianti
And the Number One Little-Known Fact about Santa Claus...
1. The beard? It's totally a weave.
Update: After a nice streak sometime in the early aughts, I'm now zero for several dozen over the past couple of years. Maybe the new laptop is bad luck in more areas than just the technical hoo-hah. You can check out the winners, some of which were similar to my entries but either got there first or were just deemed better by the contest runners, at the link up top.