Down for the Count

I could and probably should be spending my first lasting Internet connection ["Ha! Too late!" say the gods of cyberspace] in days on something important. Maybe I am. ["Maybe not!"] While I reload some open pages in the browser to catch up on various blogs during the next, inevitable connection fail ["Psyche!"], I also want to post something brief here because I know that folks get pretty sick of looking at Santa Claus once Christmas has gone.

So here are my contributions to this week's online Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten Contest, complete with sops as usual to the show's own running jokes, in the category...

Top Ten Things Overheard During New Year's Eve in Times Square

10. "Excuse me... You're stepping on Mayor Bloomberg." (see below)

9. "It's really more of an irregular polygon with poorly defined borders."

8. "You think this is a lot of drunk people with time to kill? I was in the audience for Letterman last week."

7. "My balls drop every year too."

6. "Why do these sparkly plastic glasses say 'LLOZ'?"

5. "I'm pretty sure Ryan Seacrest just grabbed my ass."

4. "Geez! It's colder than Nancy Pelosi's expression outside!"

3. "Are you here to people-watch or do you just get off on crushing, litter-strewn anticlimax?"

2. "I'm Batman! I'm Batmaaaaaaan! Woooooooooooo!!!"

And the Number One Thing Overheard During New Year's Eve in Times Square...

1. "Huh. Much bigger crowd than yesterday."

Update: We finally have a winner! I haven't heard from the contest runners yet, but #10 is among this week's chosen entries on the website. Maybe they don't even give out prizes any more; all the more reason to cherish my old mousepads and irregular T-shirt.

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