Making Waves


I haven't entered The Late Show with David Letterman's online Top Ten Contest in a while now. And it's been longer still since I've posted any such entries here. Once upon a time, though, the former activity was a regular thing; I'd hoped it would lead to the latter becoming a regular thing as well, but, y'know, if wishes were horses then Robin Williams would've voiced the Genie in Seabiscuit (or however that saying goes).

The point is that I'm sharing this week's efforts. You can submit your own, from one to as many as you'd like, one at a time; I rarely come up with more than a few really good entries, plus a ringer that plays off Dave and his staff's recurring jokes when I can, but this week it worked out to an even...

Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear on Your Cruise Ship


10. "All aboard for Somalia!"

9. "The ship can
never lose power — as long as we all take turns running on that giant hamster wheel."

8. "I don't care
how romantic the movie was; Titanic is not an appropriate theme for the lido deck."

7. "Okey-doke now... You mama grizzlies come right this way!"

6. "I hope you know how to make a fire. The buffet is actually 'all you can
heat'."

5. "Well, technically, your toilets didn't 'stop working' since they never worked to begin with."

4. "So are
all the intercom announcements made by Gilbert Gottfried?"

3. "... And the
good news is that we can use the dead rats for shuffleboard!"

2. "I'm your Cruise Director, Mel Gibson."

And the Number One Thing You Don't Want to Hear on Your Cruise Ship...

1. "Uh... Does anyone know how to contact Aquaman?"


[Note: The cold streak continues, as none of my entries were selected. At this writing you can view the winners on the Contest page, but they'll rotate out once the winners of the newest round are posted.]

4 comments:

Joan Crawford said...

These are great, Blam Dunk* (sorry), I am surprised none were picked. Have you ever had your entries get on TV? I bet you have. And I bet you noticed that Dave sends me secret hand signals during his monologue, too.

He's so great, we're like this *zhoom zhoom* with the brain waves going back and forth through the air waves.

How far ahead of time do they run the contest? A week?

*I was going to say "Blam Dunc" in reference, obviously, to Sir Hamsworth Dunc...ington. But I know you hate the obvious joke.

Blam said...


Have you ever had your entries get on TV?

I have not. One big reason why is that the Top Ten Contest is confined to the website and has nothing to do with the lists on the show. However, I nearly had my entrails get on TV; turns out that was far too "Method" for the CSI producers, however, and in fact I apparently made everyone else at the auditions sick.

And I bet you noticed that Dave sends me secret hand signals during his monologue, too.

Many of us send you hand signals, Joanly the Lonely, although secret they ain't.

But I know you hate the obvious joke.

Actually, Ms. No Relation to the Bush Family Ranch, I have grown quite fond of you, and will thank you to stop putting yourself down like that.

Joan Crawford said...

Aw, I feel good about this. I don't know if I should (as I have no ear for sarcasm and don't enjoy it the few times I have recognized it) but I do! ;)

And to prove I can take a compliment graciously, I'll say thank you*.

*And mention that *I* was instantly fond of you. But I'm just saying. It's no big deal, forget about it. I never said a thing.


VF: No, you hang up! No, y- Hello? Blamkins?

Joan Crawford said...

Yes, yes. I know it should say "didn't". I am a talker not a writer!