Oscars Stanzas

So Entertainment Weekly is holding an Oscars poetry contest.

Really. You're supposed to be able to enter it at EW's PopWatch blog, where you can also read the poem from a 16-year-old reader that launched the challenge, but so far there isn't a link for that. I just sent mine by E-mail. [Update: Still no word from Entertainment Weekly on the winner several months years later.]

Oscar statuette

A Free Verse
On the Oscars

I liked Dave Letterman
Call me crazy
He's certainly better than
Some we've had host
But I realize that most
Want someone squarer
Star power of Jim Carrey
Temperament of Jim Lehrer

Jon Stewart worked for me
So did Ellen
(Tho' both were better on the Emmys
Which went to hell in
A proverbial handbasket
This year
No fear
The producers will realize
That more is less
But I digress)

Now Hugh Jackman
An interesting choice
The man has a voice
And he can dance
As he showed when he MC'd
The Tonys
Full speed
Plus the man has range
How strange
To see the man who was Peter Allen
Play Wolverine
On the screen

But why not?
This country's a melting pot
The ultimate polyglot
Everyone can share
In the dream
Like Slumdog Millionaire
Indians and a Brit
Dev Patel
Have a hit
Doing quite well
So what are the chances
Everyone dances
A big Bollywood set piece
For each of the Best Pic nominees?

I would pay to see
A cast of dozens get its kicks in
For a musical tribute
To Frost/Nixon
Or Milk or Benjamin Button
But you're a glutton
For punishment
If you think
Folks won't raise a stink
Should the subject of The Reader
Nazi war crimes and past loves
Not be treated
With kid gloves

And speaking of
The Academy cried for mercy
When Whoopi Goldberg
Got crude
Middle America wants less rude
Just a jab here or there
To take the hot air
Out of the stars and suits

You might say
Bob Hope would be too bland
But Borat
Sascha Baron Cohen
Would be to go in
The opposite direction
Too far
For the country's predilection
I guess to bring this meditation
To a
On balance
We're still
A Billy Crystal Nation

Oscars name and statuette are property of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences.

This work is copyright 2009 Brian Saner Lamken. You may distribute it freely, except for profit, and only with the copyright notice displayed. All rights reserved.

Kindred Posts: Guerres des NomsKodak MomentsCrystalized

No comments: