Nearly every week, the Late Show with David Letterman website runs a Top Ten contest. You don't come up with a whole list of 10, just submit as many individual entries as you like on the week's theme, and ten winning entries are chosen (imagine that). They don't get read on the show, merely posted on the site, and at least nowadays each winner gets a T-shirt.

I had a pretty good streak going a few years ago, when the prize was a Late Show mousepad, so after a couple of mousepads I asked for maybe a T-shirt instead; I got one and it was clearly a reject, with the logo starting to the left of my right nipple and ending up under my left arm somewhere.

You can read the most recent winners and enter the latest contest by clicking "Enter Top Ten Contest" (imagine that) in the Top Ten area on this page. I usually come up with at least a half-dozen between the ones I think are really funny and the kind I think they'll go for based on past winners, but this week the subject is pretty narrow. I wouldn't even be posting these if I didn't think the last one was inspired. You're welcome to leave your own efforts here in replies, but if you want a shot at the T-shirt or just the satisfaction of winning don't forget to enter the contest yourself. And now...

My Top Three Signs Christian Bale is Your Valentine

3. All your little candy hearts have swear words

2. During dinner he curses out the waiter for "walking into my shot"

1. Next time Adam West insists, "I'm f---ing Batman," you think, "That makes two of us!"

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