Plumped-Up Lips




A couple of months ago here I linked to a clip of a genius song parody called "Hunger Games". It mashed up the concept of the book and movie of that name with Lana Del Rey's "Video Games" — and did its job almost too well. The voice and images were eerily, brilliantly spot-on, but it put both that song and another back on heavy rotation in my head; that other song was Foster the People's "Pumped-Up Kicks" for the simple and somewhat ridiculous reason that I'd already imagined rewriting its lyrics to skewer Ms. Del Rey (born Elizabeth Woolrich Grant).

Something like...


Don't you want a kiss from these plumped-up lips
Why do you run, do you run
I'm comin' hon
Don't you want a kiss from these plumped-up lips
Why do you run, do you run
Can't you stand my pucker
Don't you want a kiss from these plumped-up lips


Lana Del Rey, whose collagen-injected mouth pillows make her look like the slightly freakish love child of Ann-Margaret and Angelina Jolie, was introduced to me by Saturday Night Live the week that she rather infamously performed as musical guest and Daniel Radcliffe hosted. She had no stage presence and sounded terrible, but the backlash against her was so strong that I felt bad for her — until I saw her sing "Video Games" on The Late Show with David Letterman, actually listened to the lyrics, got the full gist of her preciously spaced-out schtick, and was just nauseated by the whole thing, even more so when I discovered that she wasn't put together by a Svengali pop-music producer but had been a key participant in her own packaging.

My initial inclination was simply to mention all this in a short post and throw out the "Plumped-Up Lips" joke to anyone who might feel like running with it, but since "Pumped-Up Kicks" just would not stop playing incessantly on my brain radio I turned to devising the lyrics myself in an attempt to purge the tune by overdosing on it. Right now I'm only sharing the chorus because the verses are trickily syncopated and would come across much better in song than in cold print; I've actually discussed trying to record a version with a friend of mine but given the time and travel commitment it's about as unlikely to occur in the near future as getting Del Rey, Jolie, and Lisa Rinna to sing backup. You can find the official video of Foster the People's "Pumped-Up Kicks" online if you've somehow escaped hearing it or want a refresher.


8 comments:

Joan Crawford said...

Let's ask Gwyneth, our lifetime's greatest life-coach and philosopher what she thinks, shall we?

"When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it's like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'"

So, true, so very, very true. Thank you The Gwyneth! *kisses foot of the Gwyneth which The Gwyneth then has promptly bathed in Dead Sea mud, crushed pearls and defaulted mortgages*


;D

Blam said...


Every time you disagree with a post of mine, especially it's a slam on someone or something you like, you should reply with advice from Gwyneth.

Unless having explicit permission from me makes it less fun...

Blam said...


PS: What's French for "concierge"?

Blam said...


The post's been up less than a day and I've had at least two visitors from Google search hits for {lana del rey duck lips}.

Joan Crawford said...

As a Bad Seed, I can tell you that having permission makes everything less fun.

Give it a bit of time, I'm sure the "Gwyneth/ feasting on ashes/ why so evil" and the "I hate Gwyneth" searches will pop up.

In fact, I'll make sure of it...

>:)

Joan Crawford said...

Here, you might like this.

http://www.celebitchy.com/184212/where_the_wild_things_are_author_maurice_sendak_i_hate_gwyneth_paltrow/

Joan Crawford said...

...Ms. Del Rey (born Elizabeth Woolrich Grant).

Man, is that ever stupid... it's almost as bad as naming your kid, say, Apple.

I went to an outdoor event two days after this post and the song that played as I made my entrance was "Pumped-Up Kicks" and I thought to myself"That goddamn Blam! He certainly does have his little birds all about, doesn't he?"

Blam said...


I went to an outdoor event two days after this post

Congratulations!